I Promise I'll Be Myself Again Soon!

I saw this quote on a meme the other day and it really touched me. I've never been one to post inspirational memes or quotes, but I can see how they help people through difficult times, just like music and song lyrics. I mean, who doesn't like a good break-up song when going through a break-up, right?

I'm starting to write this blog before we go for the next ultrasound because I'm really nervous to find out what's going on in there. I'm so used to getting not-so-good news lately, I'm kind of preparing for it, but we are definitely hoping for better news. In the meantime, I just wanted to reflect on some positive things that have happened throughout this pregnancy, they aren't necessarily pregnancy related:

1. Our family trip to California in January. This is another thing that didn't quite go as planned due to the pregnancy, but it was still a great trip that we'll all remember. It was supposed to be a combined family vacation where we'd meet my parents in Texas and they'd watch Lexi while Gary and I went on a honeymoon cruise. Six days after booking, the Zika virus showed up in Texas and the doctor advised against us going, so we rebooked and took a mini family trip to California; just the 3 of us. This just means we'll still need to plan a honeymoon in the future. 😜

2. Lexi and I were able to make it to Ontario for my Uncle Scott's memorial after he passed away. Although his passing wasn't a positive thing, I ended up getting to see a lot of family and friends while we were there. It was really nice considering the circumstances and for that we are very grateful we could make it.

3. We got Lexi's new room painted. Even though it's not even close to finished, it's pink, and she loves it. We probably won't finish the vision we have for her room or the baby's room until after she's born and I am recovered; it's something that I really like to be a big part of (and maybe I have some control issues and HAVE to get my hands in on the work).

4. We were able to travel to Calgary to see the newest addition to our family; my little nephew Kade!!

These are just a few things that come to mind, we are very fortunate to have been able to take our vacation and get a lot of stuff done before I was put on this "modified bedrest." I use the term "modified" because I have also been fortunate enough to still be able to do some things, so it hasn't been a strict bedrest. I have been able to walk around the house, prepare meals, go outside, even go to the store to grab some things. My restrictions: no lifting, no driving, no bending, no heavy chores, and I shouldn't be on my feet for long periods of time (no longer than an hour). So I've been able to go to the movies, watch Lexi's swimming lessons and sports, go shopping (yes, I've used the electric scooter to get around... why walk if I don't have to?), and I've even been able to go out for dinner or coffee. Little outings like this really make my day that much better, sometimes when Gary gets home from work we go for a drive just so I can get out of the house for a bit... it's the little things!!

When we went to Calgary, I got the ok from the doctor first, but I was given specific instructions that if anything happened while I was there I was to try my best to get to the Foothills Hospital, because they are the ones that can handle preemie babies. Fortunately, nothing happened and the trip to Calgary went without a hitch.

April 24th, I got good news, I DON'T have gestational diabetes! Turns out I only failed part of the blood work. So even though the doctor's office told me I had GD, they reassessed it at the metabolic clinic, turns out it was a borderline fail, therefore because I passed the rest, I don't actually meet all the criteria to have gestational diabetes. So after a week and a half of waiting for an appointment and cutting back on sugar, I think I'll celebrate by having a couple Easter chocolates and maybe go out for some Dairy Queen. Might even have a glass of Pepsi!! I know it's one of the worst things to drink, but I drink water and milk all day, I think I deserve a little treat! Can't be worse than that orange shit they give you for the diabetes test!! This little bit of good news along with some other unrelated good news has really brought my spirits up over the last couple days, hoping that the good news continues when I go to the ultrasound tomorrow. Also hoping to get a 3D pic while we're there!


The good news is that the baby is doing well, and we got a 3D picture of her, I'm pretty sure she's going to look just like Lexi!

The bad news is that my suspicions were right about the Vasa Previa; the doctor has confirmed it. Basically this means that the baby's umbilical cord vessels are running loosely across the cervix with no support and are at great risk of rupture as we near the end of the pregnancy. I need to go for another ultrasound ASAP at the hospital to assess how risky the vasa previa is, but basically it looks like I will be admitted to the hospital around 32 weeks where I can be monitored closely and given the steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop. Then depending on how bad the vessels are, I will likely have a c-section around 34 weeks; they definitely won't let me go past 36 weeks because the risk of rupturing the vessels is too high. This means the baby will be in NICU for a little while after birth (not sure how long though). On the upside, there is pretty much 100% chance of survival for the baby after 32 weeks and we are so close!!

My doctor was really sympathetic for me (the one with the crappy bedside manner), so it was really nice to see this side of her, but scary because it means she knows it's not a good situation. She specifically said, "I feel really bad for you, but sit tight and hang in there." My bedrest is now stricter as well, so I won't be leaving the house, except for appointments, and I'll be laying down or sitting most of the time. I will only get up for food, showers, and bathroom breaks.

At the end of the appointment I asked her since I was getting a c-section anyway if they could tie my tubes while they were in there. Instantly she said, "yup" and put it on my file. She said, "I don't blame you at all, after your two pregnancies, it's a lot!" Gary and I have discussed this several times and put a lot of thought into it; we had only planned on two kids anyway, plus I just don't think my body (or sanity) could handle another pregnancy. So to get the reassurance from the doctor that I'm probably making the right choice felt really good!

Not the news we were hoping for, but they are taking really good care of me and the baby and that's all we can ask for at this point. Another silver lining: if I have an early c-section, I won't have to worry as much about the pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome as the pregnancy progresses. The other specialist said because it didn't show up until later in my last pregnancy (after 37 weeks), she doesn't expect it to show up until later in this one as well. So if we don't even make it to that point before the baby is delivered, then those worries are gone.

So back to my quote from the title of this blog, I really haven't been myself lately, I've vented and cried to some people, as well as just cried to myself. So thank you to everyone who has been a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, I really appreciate it, and I promise I'll be myself again soon!


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